For many who decide to come out about their LGBTQ+ identity, it can be a daunting task, filled with fear of judgment or even abandonment by their loved ones. It’s a brave step that can be very costly. For others, it can be an opportunity to find out just how much they are loved and accepted for who they are.
But some members of the LGBTQ+ community have never formally announced their coming out. They’ve had the fortune to be their authentic selves throughout their lives and self-validate.
Melissa Davis, an elementary school teacher, is one of those people.
Davis never really came out, but when she announced that she was engaged to a woman, Raven Dorman, a middle school teacher she connected with on Tinder, fortunately she was met with full acceptance by her loved ones.
“My younger family members ‘accepted’ my relationship with open arms,” Davis said. “I never ‘came out’ because I was just like, ‘This is the person I’m dating now.’ I never ‘came out’ to my dad, he just sees and accepts. Unfortunately, my mother passed away before having a chance to meet Raven.”
As many in the LGBTQ+ community have exercised caution with revealing their sexuality to friends or in the workplace, for self-protection, Davis has felt comfortable being her authentic self in varied spaces.
The D.C. resident has experienced welcoming attitudes from her peers and professional community. Her confidence to claim and present her full identity socially and with work colleagues set the stage for others to receive her for who she is. She wasn’t apprehensive about the stigma she may experience when deciding to be openly queer.
“I didn’t fear [being myself] because I felt secure in myself that even if someone or some organization didn’t accept me that I could leave,” she said. “I understand that is a privileged viewpoint as I am a cis woman. Any of my jobs always knew I was a part of the community because I read books about genders and orientation. I always had and have pride flags around, and my friend groups are pretty queer and queer friendly.”
For Davis, who has dated heterosexual men before, gender wasn’t necessarily a priority in finding a partner. Dorman just felt like a kindred spirit. On their first date they went to an event that discussed Black feminism, a shared interest.
“After I met her for our first date I was like, ‘yeah this is good,’” she said.
Davis may not have found a need to officially come out, but she did find the love of her life.
The couple has been together five years and plan to get married in October of 2025.
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