For those of you who have followed Carbon you may have noticed there’s been no new content for several months. I took time off to recuperate, physically and mentally. I’d been in an extremely toxic job that was the last straw on top of a long journey of life stressors that brought me to a breaking point. I just could no longer show up for myself.
I was moving zombie-like through the days, exhausted, saddened, in pain and not present. My physical and mental health had been severely impacted. Looking back, I’d been deteriorating for a while. But I could finally take no more. I’d had enough. I was having severe panic attacks and developed arthritis. My brain and my body was screaming, “Stop!” So I did.
I took time off work and eventually quit. One morning I woke up to one of Morgan Harper Nichols’ emails that serendipitously affirmed what I needed to do. I emailed my resignation and saved myself. It was like a Mack truck was lifted off my body.
My time off was not as therapeutic as I’d hoped, but I did take the time to get my rest, cook better meals, and exercise. I even took an art class, something I’d longed to do for a while. I’m no visual artist but in the class I was called to let go. Let go of perfectionism and let the drawing be what it was going to be. Let go of self judgement and appreciate my progress however incremental. And let go of control. I could only draw as good as my ability. I couldn’t control how much talent I had in this area. I made progress and I learned to be happy with that. I applied that reasoning to other areas of my life and understood that I couldn’t control my former environment or the fact that it made me sick. I could only control my response. And I had every right to get myself out of a toxic situation and give myself time to heal. We all deserve that.
I’m still recovering but I’m much better. And I feel proud that I took the risk to quit my toxic job and put myself first, with no safety net. It was a scary decision, but everything was ok. Everything got paid for and I had all I needed. I had time to put myself back together. I’m still picking up some pieces but they are taking shape.
I encourage you to give yourself the time and space to heal, no matter what you need to do. When you decide, from a higher place, to take care of yourself, you will be supported. Things may not be perfect, but they will be ok.
Wishing you strength and guidance.
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